I Don’t Like Sports

I Don’t Dislike Them

When I was younger and the NHL had fewer teams than a carton had eggs, we would gather with friends from down the lane and watch Hockey Night In Canada. I even played some sports.

It was fun.

Years on, when people gather for the Big Game, I don’t.

Whether it is the Grey Cup, the Super Bowl, the Gravy Boat or any other serving piece, I am not watching.

Sure I’ll gaze at the screens in Burger World as I anticipate my food. Usually sports is playing, but I watch the commercials with the same level of interest.

Here is Where I Make the Leap

I don’t want to make you any more paranoid than you already are but you are being watched.

Every time you buy something with a retailer’s “Loyalty” card, that information is recorded.

Sometimes this is good. The retailers know what to stock and when to stock it.

Sometimes it is just weird.

You start noticing that ads for (insert product here) that you bought in a real store start showing up on your Facebook feed and your Google-ing.

Seems a little creepy

I am not upset that “They” have the ability to connect the purchases I make in a bricks and mortar store to my online presence.

What bothers me is...

They Don’t Use the Info

My cable provider lists around 500 channels and tells me that I am getting a deal by them bundling a bunch of stuff I never watch.

I watch 13 channels and some of those rarely.
So their offering does not reflect my wants as a consumer. 

You know, one of the people who keep them in business. 

They even had a robo-telemarketer call me and it spoke French. I didn’t mind the language but as they had asked me to choose my preferred language in the profile they keep on customers, you’d think they’d use the information.
(Now I am paranoid. Yesterday I emailed the cable company about the mandatory March 1^st 2016 (tomorrow) basic cable offering, and now none of my channels are working, just a “ONE MOMENT PLEASE This channel should be available shortly”. Still no reply to the email).

The other place the data is not being used is on my news feed in Facebook. It is not Facebook’s fault that Yahoo fills my page with sports stories but Yahoo should certainly take an interest in what their viewers want although the way Yahoo is going, it may not matter.

In Closing:

If you collect the data, use it. 

If you want to remain relevant, collect the data.

Amazon – I am no longer looking for that laptop battery.

Cable company – I do not watch sports, 99% of reality TV, any programming that is not English (except some Kung Fu movies) nor do I care about HD or 4K or 3D TV.

Yahoo – No sports please and good luck.

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Commercial TV

Who knew Commercial TV was good for your health?

I now regret all those years cursing the incessant interruption of our spellbinding programs by stupid commercials when in fact those same interruptions may have been more beneficial to our health than all the medical remedies and exercise devices they may have advertised.

Research has shown that you should not sit for a prolonged period of time. The researchers suggest that even if you stand for two minutes out of every 40 or 50 minutes, good stuff will happen to your body as opposed to the bad stuff (I would link to the story about the study but forget where it is so I substituted my own medical jargon) that happens when you don’t avail yourself of the commercial break to go for a pee which is the result of the last commercial break when you got a drink.

Little did we know commercials were actually improving the quality of our lives

It didn’t even matter which commercial was on. Watch them once and the next 10 times they played during Hockey Night in Canada, don’t watch them. Or, miss them the first time but don’t worry, they will play again. And again and again.

Even the incredible volume accompanying commercials, was beneficial. Sure, if you actually sat through an ad, the abrasive sound you didn’t think your TV capable of, would assault your ears like salt in a paper cut, making you vow to never purchase from that advertiser again.

That sound was of value

As long as it blared, you could be in the bathroom. 

You could make drinks in the kitchen. 

Open a bag of chips and pour out bowls for yourself and your guests. No hurry. You weren’t missing a thing.
And it was healthy, except for the chips part. Chips make you fat und pimply.

And you had until the ominous cessation of commercial cacophony to get back to broadcast bliss.

Streaming services

You may be tempted to “cut the cord”. Loose yourself, or at least your wallet, from the thrall of your cable or satellite provider. 

Streaming services such as Netflix, Crave and Shomi, promise hours of commercial free programming for a reasonable price. Per month. Forever.

But who doesn’t remember sitting through a movie on their VCR, ready to burst, not hitting pause because they didn’t want to interrupt the flow of the program and not wanting to bother the others viewing the show. 

Imagine hours on end of streaming TV where the only break is when Netflix says “The next episode starts in 14 seconds”. Or when the season ends.
It takes more than 14 seconds to choose the flavour of chips you want.

Don’t cut the cord

Yes it is expensive, and yes a more advanced civilization would probably use much of our television content to punish those who commit crimes, but, for the good of your health, keep the commercial in commercial TV.

and now for a word from our sponsor...

 

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Allen 2.0 Too

Continued from Allen 2.0

When we last left our intrepid entrepreneur he had arrived in India from Nepal by way of China.

The Big City

Because he had no idea what the sign at the city limits said (ed. No Solicitors) he was not sure which city he was in but there were thousands and thousands of people and few snakes.

It didn’t take many sales calls for Allen to realize that while India did indeed have electricity and curry and Pepto Bismol, it didn’t have a lot of phone lines.

This was a setback for the sales of home facsimile machines.

Time and Technology marches on

Allen had seen a cell phone before his sojourn in the Himalayas, but as they were expensive and heavy enough to defend yourself against grizzly bear attack, he never thought they’d catch on.

Everyone had one

At least everyone in this city and certainly everyone in this bar.

They were all technology mad. 

They would discard their old cellphone for the latest model, or that was what he would tell the IPS (Indian Police Service) officer when questioned about his recent acquisition.

Exploring the device he found you could talk, text or txt, play pointless games and it seemed to have that damned Internet on it.

He also found that online payments had caught on big time. Specifically, mobile payments.

This development called for extensive research and an hour later Allen knew he was on to something big.

It seemed that many companies in India were considering a move away from the current mix of desktop online and mobile payments to mobile payments only.

Possibly a brilliant move

No longer do you have to stand in line for the cashier, to make an impulse purchase, you can be mediating an international dispute, going to couples therapy or contemplating in the throne room.

If you have a free thumb, you can purchase the object of your heart’s desire. O.A.C.

Sure those who are used to desktops and even (shudder) catalogs where you get a decent picture and legible text might be reticent, and so what if the largest group with the most disposable income (or at least savings) with potentially fading sight…

Allen had read enough. He would target service the mobile market.

He reasoned that younger people did not have the experience of their elders.

The lack of a product was not the problem. 

The problem was how to get the product in front of the largest number of marks customers at the cheapest cost.

This was also the question on the minds of a group that Fate was toying with.

The start-up woman’s clothing designers became convinced that Allen’s entrepreneurial prowess and Mobile Application Development skills could translate their Plus size clothing line to a plus size bank balance.

Later they were to agree that they should not hold their board meetings in a bar. At least not one that was home to Allen.

Not one to say no to an opportunity, or temptation for that matter, Allen had one job in front of him; Find out what Mobile Application Development was.
That and how to make a compelling presentation. Compelling enough to get a cheque.

They agreed to reconvene in the same location during a popular local time. Happy hour.

He then applied himself to understanding Mobile Application Development, or MAD for short, and 30 minutes later he was talking a local artist into drawing his ideas out on Bristol board for future consideration in his newly formed company.

Presentation day dawned and quite a bit later than dawn, the designers, Allen and his artist were situated around the boardroom table. The waitress took their orders and commerce was commenced.

With the artist holding up the presentation and Allen pointing out the main selling points with an umbrella from one of the drinks, things were going well until one of the up-starts from the start-up asked why he was not using PowerPoint.

Viewing questions as an opportunity, he took the opportunity to excuse himself and get another round. On the tab.

After several rounds of negotiations, Allen felt more sure of a sale ‘tho less sure of his ability to read the room, and he decided to offer the ladies some sage business advice.

He suggested that the group abandon their hopes for a mobile application in favour of a website aimed at desktop users ‘cause “Those little mobiles can’t accommodate your product even in landscape mode”.

From there, talks headed south and so did Allen, leaving the group with the bar tab and the artist.

Watch for further adventures of our budding billionaire as records are released.

All products trademark of their respective companies.

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Allen 2.0

Some of you may be wondering what direction Allen’s life took after the inaugural Tales of a Dissatisfied Squid Salesman 
and the popular (well it was popular in Asia) Humourous Lessons in Business, Tales of a Dissatisfied Squid Salesman II

The direction was east. It could have been west, the world being a sphere and all, but the first plane out of town was going east.

David’s now estranged twin brother Allen had financed his trip through the sale of David’s car and was looking forward to a bright new future (as well as backward at not a few creditors). 
Unaware that Allen still had a set of his car keys; David wandered the parking lot before realizing that he really missed Allen and wanted to see him again. Preferably in a dark alley.

After a series of plane and train rides on borrowed tickets and documents, Allen arrived in Kathmandu, Nepal.

His first thoughts were, “They’ll never find me here”.
His second thoughts were, “Where the heck is here”?
His third thoughts were, “Seems like a good place for some meditation. Some reflection, introspection and any other ‘ection’”.

Having heard the villagers speak of a remote monastery, Allen determined that he should take up meditation in a local bar. Allen recalls, “A lot of time passed, much of which was, quite frankly, a blur, before I was awakened to the desire to get back into the world of commerce”.

The thing that awoke him was the squawking of the bar’s fax machine.
After buying a few more drinks and listening to the bartender explain how the fax worked, Allen decided to re-launch his career by selling facsimile machines to the masses. After all, who wouldn’t want badly pixilated pictures and text sent right to their own home?

Unfortunately the masses did not live in Nepal. 
Fortunately China with its masses was right next door.

After a month or so, riding in carts pulled by various animals, he arrived at The Bamboo Curtain.

Unfortunately it was closed.

Undaunted, but quite miffed, Allen returned to Kathmandu where he lingered a few weeks or maybe months until he left his bar stool and set his sights on India, a land teeming with masses and hardly any bamboo.

After a month or so, riding in carts pulled by various animals, he arrived in India.
Allen had seen a map of the world but up until recently had no idea what the scale on a map represented.

After another month or so, riding in carts pulled by various animals, he arrived in an area large enough to be considered to be teeming.

The trip had been long and fraught with perils and snakes but the people of the area were a friendly lot and he was soon having a drink with someone who was willing to share his whiskey. Someone’s whiskey.

That someone had left a truck full of the stuff with the keys in the ignition and his new friend had decided to move the truck to a safer, not overlooked location. 

They were well into the bottle, all the time looking over their shoulders for any sign of the owner of the truck so they could flag him down.
They should have been looking in the vicinity of their ankles as suddenly karma (a concept Allen had never heard of) reared its ugly head in the form of a venom spitting cobra. 
Cobras are actually quite beautiful if you ignore their tendency to spit venom in your eyes with great accuracy even from a great distance.

His drinking partner froze with fear but Allen, startled out of his wits, sprayed his mouth full of whiskey right into the cobra’s face. (Don’t try this at home kids)

You have never seen a more affronted looking cobra in your life.

As the cobra slithered off to wherever snakes go, Allen became aware of the owner of the truck coming Right down the alley. Exit stage Left.

To be continued…

 

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Marketing and Privacy

Blog 3 #MAD405

Privacy (from Latin: privatus "separated from the rest).


"Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half." - John Wanamaker


So you’ve finished your latest app “Left-handed Miffed Raptors”.
You’ve published your masterpiece to the Apple, Blackberry and Android stores.
Now you can sit back and let the cheques roll in. $ Cha-ching.

Not so. Unless you already have a following and your own evangelists (and even then) there is still marketing to do.

But how? My game is aimed at sinister (I know, not politically correct) game players with the intellect to appreciate the nuances of an adventure based around the actions of disgruntled fowl.

Big Brother(s) to the rescue
Your "Likes" define your intelligence on Facebook.

Defy definition. “Like” everything.

Facebook and Google have bought data collection companies and can now combine your online clicks, likes and searches with real world (you know, when you turn off your computer/phone/tablet, you do don’t you?) actions such as purchases where you use a rewards or customer loyalty card. So, whether its Trojan or Depend, they know.

I’m not a number!
No, you're a binary number.

What? They have a profile of me?

You did read those multi page documents before clicking “I Agree”, didn’t you? 
If not, here is a summary:
They (hereinafter referred to as the Company) can collect, combine, filter, distort, distill, dispense any and everything you (hereinafter referred to as you) post or even allude to.
They are working on reading your thoughts but so far the results have been disappointing :)

Your life/intelligence is not the only thing being "defined" by the analysis of collected data; companies are also prey to this compartmentalization.

Now I’m miffed. How does this help me market my app?

Well, data collected by Facebook indicates that people who clicked “Like” on curly fries are intelligent. (despite potatoes belonging to the Deadly Nightshade family, as well as the ramifications of deep fried fast foods). And, if they can determine your sexual preference, they probably know who is left-handed.

So, in setting up your online ads, target only sinister curly fry loving individuals with a propensity for waggling their thumbs in front of a screen for entertainment.
And, to make some extra cash, as well as provide a service to your followers, insert some ads into your game, maybe McCain and A535.

If you want a less hand specific game check out Springy 
This should be good for an extra mark.

Maybe this will be good for an extra mark

Book Early Step-by-Step Instruction for Building a Responsive Website (BYOL)

Go ahead and comment. WE ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

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Know Your Customer – Add Value

As part of my Mobile Application Development course at Canadore College, I have to blog, to market myself and my wares.

This marketing must be crafted in an online socially acceptable manner to avoid alienating my peers and potential customers.

In marketing you should offer value. You should also know your customer.

But what if you get this wrong? How could an aspiring app programmer or business cause a rift between him/herself and the demographic of choice you may ask?

Why, it's easy. Just follow the example of my cable company, Eastlink.

But how did they raise my ire you ask?

Even 'tho I duly overpaid every month for Internet and 70+ cable channels that I don't watch, Eastlink thought they'd sweeten the deal by bundling in a service I don't want ( a land line ) and charging me less for three services than I currently pay for two.

But, Dave, it’s just an offer to add value.

Value would be meeting the needs of the customer. There was no offer of paying less for the two services I use. It is kind of a backhanded offer for their customers who don’t need or want a land line.

So, Dave, I can see why you might be ticked at paying more for less but there must be more to it than that.

Well, secondly, they are charging me more for less but firstly, they showed their ignorance of me as a customer. In spite of a long history of phone calls in English, emails in English, my profile on their website in English and their database showing my choice of paper billing in English, they had an automated voice ( my thoughts on telemarketing ) call and mumble something in French ( sounded like Jamie Excuse ). French? Je pense que non.
And then, it hangs up.

Answering this automated call confirmed that I was available and my number was added to a telemarketer’s queue, one of which called.

After expounding on the beneficence of the company’s offer, the telemarketer asked if I was interested.

I said “No”!
I also said I had been contemplating cancelling the cable TV service in favour of a satellite company’s offer of all things HD and a free PVR.

He told me satellite service was not as reliable as cable.

I said in that event I would watch shows that I had recorded on the free PVR.
Or watch Netflix. 

He said I was making a mistake and rung off.
Guess the customer is not always right. Definitely not a student of Dale Carnegie.

If you have any comments on this blog, feel free to Post a Comment below.

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Voyeur to Vandal?

An interesting quote from Stephen Fry No Comment “The fact that I will have turned off my website’s comments facility or moderated it into effective silence is even now driving some of my readers (a tiny minority I’m happy to think) insane.”

"Peeping" through the window of your computer is expected, even encouraged.
Some hosts invite you to comment or criticize (whether they read your input is another thing). Some sites let anyone with half a mind to post, post.
But what if you feel compelled to offer your opinion and the inconsiderate designers have not included a soapbox for you. What indeed.
Stephen Fry of Jeeves and Wooster, Last Chance to See, and followed by over 2 million tweeters, http://twitter.com/stephenfry is now pushing Pushnote beta.
I read the PCWorld article about Pushnote beta, which on first read might lead some to believe that those with half a mind to post could salute or slam the person/product/website on the website whether or not the site allows comments. It was obvious, from the comments by the readers, that they believed this was the point of the software. Say it ain’t so.
It ain’t so. Ya can’t just graffiti on someone’s site, unless you’re a cracker/hacker.
Pushnote beta, not to be confused with the PushNote app for the iPhone, is a browser plug-in that allows people to comment on what is on a site. The comments are available to other users of the plug-in. They are not posted on the site. Reminds me of StumbleUpon where you can comment and recommend sites and randomly Stumble across sites based on your interests and the recommendation of others.
Pushnote does let you cross post to Facebook and Twitter but does not rank or recommend sites so you are on your own there. It does have links to The Web and Hot Pages which are pages that have been commented on.
If you have a site you could join Pushnote and see what people are saying and posting on social media, assuming it catches on with the masses. The downside: You can’t edit or delete comments, your own or other’s. The upside: At least you know what is being said and maybe address any valid concerns.
You say you neither read nor write comments as a rule. Hmm.
Is the average Joe going to sign up for an account, download and install the plug-in (which gave me some little trouble in Firefox but worked after updating the browser) so he/she can praise web content or will the majority just be slamming sites and other users?
So far the comments on StephenFry.com have been mostly positive with 3 4 votes for Stephen for Prime Minister or Pope.

For people who still use the Post Office Lake Nipissing postcard

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Internet on my TV

During my recent seasonal employment at Future Shop I was surprised at the number of people asking how to get "the Internet" on their TV.
I’ve been viewing Internet content on mine for a long time for free.
There are commercial solutions such as Apple TV, D-Link’s Boxee Box and Western Digital’s WD TV Live Hub Media Center.
I would highly recommend visiting the respective company’s websites and reading all the information, FAQ’s and check out the user’s comments under the Support section of the product keeping in mind that some users may not be that tech savvy.
How can you surf on your TV without spending any cash?
If you have an unused computer and a fairly recent TV you have most of what you need.
Connect the computer to your router either wired (preferred method) or wirelessly, plug in the HDMI cable (carries audio and video) to the computer and TV, choose the input source on the TV remote and Voila! The Internet is on your TV.
If your computer does not have an HDMI connection you can use a DVI cable or VGA cable like the one on your monitor for the video and a stereo mini-phone to RCA “y” cable from the computer headphone output to your stereo or TV for sound.
So, what does this give you? Anything you could see and hear on the computer is available on the TV. Family photos, PowerPoint, YouTube, music, movies, Internet stuff and even work if you must. And all for free.
You say you don’t want to sit 3 feet in front of the TV with a mouse and keyboard? Well, you can buy a wireless keyboard and mouse and control things from your easy chair or download the free TIGHTvnc server on the TV computer and TIGHTvnc viewer on your laptop and remotely control the TV computer.
My solution is not quite as elegant as the commercial solutions and may require a bit more work to set up but I like the price, the features available with a computer and I already know how to operate it.
What if you need to buy some parts?
I like to support local retailers but some things like cables are much cheaper online.
HDMI cables run $7 and up online at Tigerdirect.ca. Retail they cost $28.
VGA cables online $13. Retail $44.
DVI to HDMI online $32 .Retail $50 or Monster Cable $150
3' Mini-RCA Audio Cable online $7. Retail $11.
Wireless keyboard and mouse online $43 retail $23. Go figure.
If you don’t have an extra computer, ask a friend or pick one up online off-lease or refurbished starting at $150 or retail starting at $250.
All prices approximate. I have no affiliation with these companies.

All products trademark of their respective companies.

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