The Hi John Letter

I received a “Hi John” email.

Not as devastating as a “Dear John” letter but a bit bewildering as my name is not John and I don’t use a John de Plume when I write.

The email was in response to a query about them recently starting to send me blank emails. They are a company that emails job listings that match my abilities, education and interests.

Some of you may remember that I went down to Manpower (before we had to be politically correct) and took a government test to determine what field of endeavour I was suited for.

I managed to fall outside any of their categories.

Some of you may think this is the reason for the blank emails, but no. For years the daily emails have contained several jobs that if so inclined I could turn my hand to.

And then, blank pages. It was as if they were wrestling with the monster known as writer’s block.

I wrote them and said not to worry as I had a job, but, it did not put them in a good light since employers listed with them in hopes that their next bright star would peruse the listing and apply post haste.

I guess I am not the only one receiving nothing on a daily basis because they wrote back saying they are aware of the problem and are looking into it. And as if to drive the point home that things are not well with the company, they started the email with “Hi John”.

I predict a job opening in Quality Control. Not that I’ll see it listed.

Update

They got back to me, addressed me by my correct name and the next day, as promised, the job listings they sent me showed up in the email. Bonus: The empty advertising block was at the bottom where it will not bother most people unless they wonder why they are not the target market and what they are not the target market of. Probably something really good I bet.

The End Is Nigh

Dress your loved one in the best End of the World fashion 

Apocalypse Livestock Tee
by damccaskill

Have your own herd. Dress the whole family for the grand finale

Apocalypse Livestock T-Shirt
by damccaskill

Carry On My Wayward One (sung to the tune of the Kansas song)

Or We’ll get back to you 3

My Adsense account was cancelled because of “no spend”. And here I was under the impression that it was supposed to be bringing in money, not require me to spend money. I guess Google is taking a page from the other arm of their Empire, YouTube, and the demonetization of the Youtubers who built them but didn’t quite cut the mustard as far as number of subscribers. So long and thanks for all the views, no money for you

This is not a story about that

This is my ongoing trials and tribulations with Freedom Mobile cell phone so-called-service.

I asked about some of the solutions I had put forward, them setting up calling over wifi on my model of phone (which would have helped countless others), exchanging my phone for a phone that they support wifi calling on, loaning me a Weboost or other signal booster (like American ISP’s do), them using the 700Mhz range in my area to penetrate my apartment as I apparently live in a 

Faraday cage. Offering me a better plan. They didn’t. 

You might say “Buyer beware” or “Carpe Jugulum” or some Latin sounding thing for “it’s your own damned fault for getting stuck with a service that sucks”, but I had done the research. Their coverage map with orange indicating “LTE high speed like you wouldn’t believe *may not work until a few months down the road **and then some”, covered my area like there was a two for one paint sale at Home Depot.  

I paid off my “Tab” in preparation to move to a provider that could get me a strong enough signal in my own home so I could actually call and receive calls. It was a small amount.

All of a sudden they were offering me a better plan. X number of dollars and NO OVERAGES. I can call long distance in Canada and the States and it won’t cost more. I can text all over the place and my bill doesn’t go up. Home network, Away network, doesn’t matter. Same price. 

The sneaky thing is their tech support told me to change my phones settings to only use the Home network.

  No chance of ending up on the Away or Roaming networks.

Is the service any better? I have tried recently to dial out when I was in a mall parking lot out in the open and the phone showing Home and full bars. It did not connect.  I tried from my work in the city. Would not connect. Tonight in my apartment it says Home and one bar. It connected. Nice surprise but reliability over astonishment is preferred.

And the bill since getting the better plan?

Not what they promised but I expected there would be a discrepancy during the switch from the old plan. Still, the cheapest bill in months. We’ll see what next month brings.

Here is something we sell on Zazzle. We also sell it on Amazon but it is harder to find there. 

I Tried to be Good but There Was Bonfire & Beer T T-Shirt
by ladybuglane

The Cost of Things vs. Value

After my previous post on trying to use coupons at a Crafts and Arts chain

I was left thinking about the $20 savings my coupon and I had wrestled from the store as well as the value of items verses the price being charged.

This same chain had a product a couple of years ago that had me wondering about the things people buy.

The product was a set of 6 empty clear pop bottles and a white cardboard carton with a handle. For $20.

Back in my day, we used to buy glass bottles of pop for about 12 to 15 cents each. No plastic bottles to pollute the environment yet. We had cans but some people said it gave the soda a metallic taste. We were a Pepsi house. Some others drank Coke.

If you bought 6 bottles you got a reusable cardboard carrying carton for free. No plastic bags, no sirree.

So, for less than a buck you got six bottles of thirst quenching cola, a carrying case and if you brought the empties back, the store refunded the 2 cent deposit on each bottle. A bag of chips was 10 cents so you could grab a tasty snack as a reward for bringing back the empties.
Recycling was a thing even back then.

I am not against commerce

I've been reading about BFCM (Black Friday, Cyber Monday).
I've also read about those who support Buy Nothing Day, the other name for Black Friday. I wonder if any of them make a living in retail or manufacturing.

"Nothing does happen until a sales is made" - Thomas Watson Sr. President of IBM from 1914 to 1956

If people want to abstain, that's OK by me.
If they want to spend, more power to them.

But seriously, a $20 empty six pack?

If you really want to spend...

Available at PurpleCowEmporium.com

Coupons – Bane or Boon

My daughter and I went to a large chain Crafts and Arts store. 

I made the mistake of purchasing an item.

I should add this disclaimer: I am not a shopper nor do I like to haggle.

The girl at the cash asked if I would like to leave my email address to receive discount coupons for their store. I’ve worked in retail and have been subjected to some quite rude answers to this question (at the time it was phone number and address as no one had email yet).

What the heck. I gave it to her and thought no more of it until that evening when the onslaught of coupons commenced.

Most of the coupons were for things I don’t want or need but there was one that seemed to indicate 50% off. I could tell by the way it said 50% off.

I had seen an item I thought would make a good gift and at half price it would make a great gift.

I went back to the store, presented my coupon and walked away with a pretty good deal.

The coupons kept coming

I was talking to someone about the deal I got and they wondered if I could pick up another as they did not have one of these stores in their town. I was sure there would be a coupon in my inbox so I said sure. 

It was a disappointing 40% off

Oh well. I returned to find the item was the same price but now came with a bonus item. I present my coupon and was told it was not valid as the item came with a bonus item. But, I don’t want the bonus item I said. 

Too bad. You have to pay FULL PRICE. (The cashier was nicer than that but it felt like a kick in the wallet anyway).

A week or so later I was talking to my sister and she says that sounds like a good item, could I pick one up. I said FULL PRICE. She said to get it anyway.

I go back to the store and notice there is no associated bonus so I dare to present the ever present coupon. 

This time it is the coveted 50%

The lady at the cash says the coupon is not valid as the item is now Value priced. I said it is and has been the same price since I bought the first one. She asked if I would like to speak to a manager. I look around and miraculously there is no line to hold up so I said sure. We talk while waiting for the manager and though she does not come out and say “these coupons are the bane of my existence”, I get the feeling that there are a lot of customer complaints over their company coupons.

The manager arrives

and asks how she can help.

Having decided against a full on rant about deceptive marketing practices, the way they price things or bait and switch advertising, I tell her the price of the item has been unchanged and sticking a Value label on something does not make it so. 

She mentions the fact that they have labeled the item as a Value item (I just covered that), invalidating the coupon's value and then professionally handles the situation by giving me the full discount.

I thank both of them and take my leave with the item and about $20 in savings.

After all that you might be wondering, what the heck could I do with $20.

Find out in the next post

No coupon but here is an essential oil diffuser you can buy...

Available at PurpleCowEmporium.com

Procrastinate T-Shirt

I am not normally one to leap into action, unless it is forced upon me

If I am struck by a spark of genius, I have been known to sit down until I recover.

They say “The Early Bird Gets the Worm”, but not being partial to worms I find this to be a dis-incentive.

I may be a procrastinator.

But there is a “Pro” in procrastinate

For example:
Driving to Vancouver on Hwy 1. During the morning rush, you are more likely to get a parking ticket than a speeding ticket. Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration but not by much.
But if you wait a bit (procrastinate) and go in later, you won’t be stuck in traffic, until you actually get to town. Then, and I swear this happened, you can watch the driver in front of you apply a full face of makeup.

Not really part of the procrastination blog post but It Was Mesmerizing

While driving, this lady gazed into her rear-view mirror and applied paint and powder and putty or whatever using brushes, knives and possibly tweezers (maybe even a spray can) to get her face ready to face the work day.

But wait…there’s more

Then she put her glasses on.

I guess she required glasses to drive but not for the accurate application of face paint.
Persona applied, spectacles in place, ready to concentrate on driving.

Not quite

If there are no pictures, it never happened

In true Kardashian style, she proceeded to take a series of selfies while turning off of the potentially aptly named Terminal Ave onto Quebec St.
At least she was wearing her glasses.

So David, does this have anything to do with procrastinating?

Other than putting off finishing this post, No.

What made me create this T-shirt I do not know but I am glad that I did not procrastinate and that I applied this thought to a product which, as of this point in time, is my second best seller, proving that you never know what people want. My twin brother Allen certainly didn’t.

This post seems to ramble a bit.
Maybe the next one should be about focus.
Or haunted ice cubes.

What’s up with that?
Second time in as many months.

You can buy the Procrastinate T-Shirt now... or later

Procrastinate T-Shirt
by damccaskill

A Foot in Both Camps

If you have been reading this blog

you might get the impression that I really really really do not like advertising.

Yes, I know that some of it is entertaining like a few of the ads that run during the Super Bowl.

And I have softened my stance on TV ads as it gives you relief in the form of pee breaks.

I have acknowledged that advertisers are getting better at serving me online ads related to the things I have historically purchased ‘tho I am not sure why they are spending money advertising, let’s say, a garlic press based on my recent purchase of a garlic press.
Is the failure of the first garlic press imminent? If so, could they have not warned me prior to my purchase?

There are programs to save you the annoyance of ads competing for your viewing time.

I can understand the allure.

No more:

Woman Cures Wrinkles With Homemade Remedy– Doctors Hate Her (I asked a Proctologist, said he doesn’t give a sh**)

Men Over 55 Must Never Do This One Thing

Men Over 55 Must Always Do This One Thing (but only with adult supervision)

You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… (you are probably right so let’s just pretend I clicked, OK?)

There is also one about bananas that has left me wondering if bananas are good for you or bad for you, but I don’t want to know badly enough to click.

I wonder If these ad blocking programs can stop video ads from playing out loud when you accidentally mouse over them. Could be embarrassing to play an ad at work for a job search site or a dating site while you are on a date.

The other thing that ticks me off is ads with gifs. Those clips that repeat for as long as you are on the page.
Can these programs stop the stupid gifs?

I will never know because I don’t click on ads.

And now the conundrum

I advertise. Online. For the stuff I sell online.

Not only could I not recommend an ad blocking software, due to things I have read about some of them causing more problems than they solve (I recommend you research before you even try), I actually want you to see my ads.

I feel conflicted but console myself with the knowledge that I do not employ inflammatory titles (You Will Regret Missing This Opportunity To Own…), I don’t use self-playing video and I don’t use gifs that repeat endlessly.
I also have not resorted to pop-ups but that is just good manners.

You can subscribe here and you can subscribe there PurpleCowEmporium.com.

There you can peruse, purchase or add things to your wish list.
There is even a blog there.

Here you can click this ad to purchase…

at PurpleCowEmporium.com

Photo Shoot at PurpleCowEmporium

I wrote a blog post about our photo shoot of wood sunglasses and watches in their natural habitat.

You can read it here if you are so inclined.

Plus, Allen is missing out on this online gig.

iPhone cases for the holiday season...

I Don’t Like Sports

I Don’t Dislike Them

When I was younger and the NHL had fewer teams than a carton had eggs, we would gather with friends from down the lane and watch Hockey Night In Canada. I even played some sports.

It was fun.

Years on, when people gather for the Big Game, I don’t.

Whether it is the Grey Cup, the Super Bowl, the Gravy Boat or any other serving piece, I am not watching.

Sure I’ll gaze at the screens in Burger World as I anticipate my food. Usually sports is playing, but I watch the commercials with the same level of interest.

Here is Where I Make the Leap

I don’t want to make you any more paranoid than you already are but you are being watched.

Every time you buy something with a retailer’s “Loyalty” card, that information is recorded.

Sometimes this is good. The retailers know what to stock and when to stock it.

Sometimes it is just weird.

You start noticing that ads for (insert product here) that you bought in a real store start showing up on your Facebook feed and your Google-ing.

Seems a little creepy

I am not upset that “They” have the ability to connect the purchases I make in a bricks and mortar store to my online presence.

What bothers me is...

They Don’t Use the Info

My cable provider lists around 500 channels and tells me that I am getting a deal by them bundling a bunch of stuff I never watch.

I watch 13 channels and some of those rarely.
So their offering does not reflect my wants as a consumer. 

You know, one of the people who keep them in business. 

They even had a robo-telemarketer call me and it spoke French. I didn’t mind the language but as they had asked me to choose my preferred language in the profile they keep on customers, you’d think they’d use the information.
(Now I am paranoid. Yesterday I emailed the cable company about the mandatory March 1^st 2016 (tomorrow) basic cable offering, and now none of my channels are working, just a “ONE MOMENT PLEASE This channel should be available shortly”. Still no reply to the email).

The other place the data is not being used is on my news feed in Facebook. It is not Facebook’s fault that Yahoo fills my page with sports stories but Yahoo should certainly take an interest in what their viewers want although the way Yahoo is going, it may not matter.

In Closing:

If you collect the data, use it. 

If you want to remain relevant, collect the data.

Amazon – I am no longer looking for that laptop battery.

Cable company – I do not watch sports, 99% of reality TV, any programming that is not English (except some Kung Fu movies) nor do I care about HD or 4K or 3D TV.

Yahoo – No sports please and good luck.

You can buy a sun flowery mug for your Maxwell House or Tetley tea here...

Sunflowers Two-Tone Coffee Mug by ladybuglane
Browse Sunflower Mugs

On-line Shopping is the Future

I am not a shopper

I don’t like shopping.

If I am window shopping it is because I need a new window.

I once needed, (Yes! Needed!), a new TV so I made a list of all the electronic retailers in the area as well as a list of all the features I wanted in a TV.

I walked into the first store on the list and said, “I will take that one and give me a VCR too”. It was a while ago.

Really not a shopper

This year my youngest daughter sent me a gift list linked to an on-line retailer called Amazon.ca

I thought, “this will be easy”. No trudging through the malls. No putting up with sales people offering free samples from kiosks. (My skin is already soft and pimple free)

I clicked on the link she sent and nothing happened. Really nothing. My mouse froze, arrow keys did nothing and even Ctrl-Alt-Del did not work.

Taking this as a sign not to shop on-line today, I powered off the machine and re-started. Windows 10 did some updates. 

I went to the mall for a coffee at Timmies.

The next day I decided to load a few bucks into my PayPal account to purchase stuff on-line.
I also thought I had better address some Christmas cards to mail that afternoon.

I had just sat down with my cards and a pen and address list when my youngest son texted me to say he was in hospital after falling off his bike.

I took this as a sign to not shop on-line today.

I drove into town and had a small black coffee and a cheese croissant at Timmies while filling out some of the cards and waiting for my son to get his arm put into a cast. (He blames the complete lack of snow for his accident as he would not be riding in the snow. One more strike against global warming).

While at the Post Office outlet mailing the cards, I picked up yet another parcel my daughter had Amazon ship to me. Seems to be working Ok for her.

The next day I tried to log in to Amazon.ca and they had to reset my password because who remembers that stuff from 3 years ago?

Clicking on the links in my daughter's list opened different windows, only one of which I was logged in to.

Being a savvy (but reluctant) shopper I wanted the items in the same shopping cart so as to get the free shipping.

Thinking I could just search for the item in the window I was logged in to was wrong. 

The search brought me to the same item (for a much cheaper price) on the Amazon.com site saying “Ships from the US”. Having experienced Customs Canada’s heavy handed charges I realized it would still be cheaper to pay more in Canada and have it shipped from Canada.

I finally got the items, from the Canadian site, in the same shopping cart, with a small shipping charge (which was much cheaper than Customs charges), over to the check-out area and found that Amazon does not accept PayPal. 

And the credit card information Amazon had on me had expired after 3 years. 

Who’d-a-thunk?

I took this as another sign.

I may or may not have completed the order but I am sure there will be something under the tree this year.

It just might be Tim’s cards.

I’m off to the mall but if you want to try out this on-line shopping foolishness...

coffee, Z, Z, Z Two-Tone Coffee Mug by shiomi
Design a unique personalized coffee cup from zazzle.com.

Commercial TV

Who knew Commercial TV was good for your health?

I now regret all those years cursing the incessant interruption of our spellbinding programs by stupid commercials when in fact those same interruptions may have been more beneficial to our health than all the medical remedies and exercise devices they may have advertised.

Research has shown that you should not sit for a prolonged period of time. The researchers suggest that even if you stand for two minutes out of every 40 or 50 minutes, good stuff will happen to your body as opposed to the bad stuff (I would link to the story about the study but forget where it is so I substituted my own medical jargon) that happens when you don’t avail yourself of the commercial break to go for a pee which is the result of the last commercial break when you got a drink.

Little did we know commercials were actually improving the quality of our lives

It didn’t even matter which commercial was on. Watch them once and the next 10 times they played during Hockey Night in Canada, don’t watch them. Or, miss them the first time but don’t worry, they will play again. And again and again.

Even the incredible volume accompanying commercials, was beneficial. Sure, if you actually sat through an ad, the abrasive sound you didn’t think your TV capable of, would assault your ears like salt in a paper cut, making you vow to never purchase from that advertiser again.

That sound was of value

As long as it blared, you could be in the bathroom. 

You could make drinks in the kitchen. 

Open a bag of chips and pour out bowls for yourself and your guests. No hurry. You weren’t missing a thing.
And it was healthy, except for the chips part. Chips make you fat und pimply.

And you had until the ominous cessation of commercial cacophony to get back to broadcast bliss.

Streaming services

You may be tempted to “cut the cord”. Loose yourself, or at least your wallet, from the thrall of your cable or satellite provider. 

Streaming services such as Netflix, Crave and Shomi, promise hours of commercial free programming for a reasonable price. Per month. Forever.

But who doesn’t remember sitting through a movie on their VCR, ready to burst, not hitting pause because they didn’t want to interrupt the flow of the program and not wanting to bother the others viewing the show. 

Imagine hours on end of streaming TV where the only break is when Netflix says “The next episode starts in 14 seconds”. Or when the season ends.
It takes more than 14 seconds to choose the flavour of chips you want.

Don’t cut the cord

Yes it is expensive, and yes a more advanced civilization would probably use much of our television content to punish those who commit crimes, but, for the good of your health, keep the commercial in commercial TV.

and now for a word from our sponsor...

 

Tea Pee Spiral Note Book by shiomi
Create a personalised notebooks at Zazzle

General Delivery

General Delivery - from the 1830 - 40's Americanism, although there is the international term Poste restante.

In the old days you could send a letter or parcel to a post office near where someone would be traveling and they could pick it up. No need for a home address.

Before greed and bean counters took over, regular postal service would deliver letters and the occasional small parcel right to your door.

This had its pros and cons

Pros: You didn't have to leave your house to get junk mail, or as I call it, kindling for the wood stove.

You local mailman might know you, so even if the address on the letter was not quite right, the letter would still be delivered to you.

Also if they peeked in your windows and saw you lying unconscious on the floor they could go for help.

Cons: Your local mailman knew all your magazines came in plain brown wrappers.

He would trespass on your property, peek in your windows and shove junk mail through the mail slot.

Well, Canada Post being forward thinking and ever mindful of the bottom line thought that it was costing a heck of a lot of money to have people bring the mail to every home so in addition to having P.O. boxes that you could pay for, they would just start leaving your mail in community mailboxes, or super mailboxes as they were commonly called, at the end of your road. Or in some other neighbourhood entirely.

Not that handy for the elderly or handicapped or anyone actually but more cost effective.

But now people can be in touch with whomever, wherever in seconds thanks to the Internet.

No need to buy a pricey card and apply extra postage.

But you can buy cards and postage if you really want.

http://www.zazzle.com/ladybuglane/cards

http://www.zazzle.ca/octor_arts?qs=cards

http://www.zazzle.com/damccaskill?qs=cards

No more trundling down to a postal outlet with cards, letters or packages. A quick e card, photo or even a video and it is there almost as soon as you hit send.

And drop shipping to the recipient's home, P.O. Box or community mailbox from an on-line retailer is just a credit card and a mouse click away. Just order on-line and you never have to see the inside of a postal outlet ever again.
Unless someone sends you a parcel.

Do not worry that the post office is going to go the way of the Pony Express (they'd deliver your stuff on a horse, how cool was that?).
In an effort to firmly establish them self as a major player in the 21st Century, Canada Post is running an advertising campaign on TV about a service,  FlexDelivery™, whereby you can have your post delivered to any one of their post offices for you to pick up.

Sounds a lot like general delivery to me.

And if a western poster reminiscent of the Pony Express is more your thing -

Western Riders, U.S.A. Poster by dequilla
See additional Posters & Art online at Zazzle

Retailing Marijuana

With the recent change in our federal government, it seems as though we are moving closer to legal retail marijuana.

No longer will you have to know a guy who knows a guy. 

No more hanging around a disreputable pool hall. 

You won’t have to go to that seedy bar, but you will ‘cause who doesn’t like a seedy bar.

Soon may come a day when you can get your weed from a government regulated outlet.

I originally thought this to be a positive move, you know, give the people what they want and instead of arresting them, which costs we tax payers a poop load of money, tax them. 

Make money for the government. Stop wasting police and court resources. This whole thing could be worth millions or even billions in revenue and savings.

Would it Benefit the Consumer

Right here in Canada there is a company that is growing 50 or more strains of marijuana for medical use.
It is legal and there is no reason that their knowledge and technology could not be applied to the recreational market.
Just as with alcohol, the strains have different tastes and feels, and different strengths.
There are oils and pills and maybe even tea for those who really don’t want to or can’t smoke anything.
(Should I have a cup of Monday Morning Calm or a mug of I Can’t Believe It’s Another 2 Hour PowerPoint Presentation)

The Liquor Control Board of Ontario has put forth the view that grass be sold in their outlets as they have the infrastructure and experience.
In retailing recreational substances, I guess.

I do see some potential for strife between the traditional LCBO customer and the new clientele. Especially before a long weekend.

I wonder if they would have displays of the product and a representative asking if you would like to try today's featured brand. You would have to take a taxi home after stopping by the no name whiskey* table for a taste and maybe stop for a toke of Pineapple Express.
*I was going to link to a Canadian whiskey that just won some world whiskey contest but it seems that you have to enter your age and country probably due to governments regulations so here is a link to a story about it.

Others I have spoken to suggest that the government and their agencies are not fit to regulate. Anything.

Tobacco started out as a leaf. A natural product that ended up as a chemical plague the government was unable or unwilling to protect its people from.

The government would just tax grass beyond reason anyway.
Marijuana can be turned into a fuel so there would be a fuel tax.
It burns so there would be a carbon tax.
It can be made into paper, clothing, plastics and building material. Tax.
It is great for the environment and is nutritious. Has to be a tax in there somewhere.

Maybe the government should leave the distribution to entrepreneur run boutiques which probably wouldn’t be closed by strikes or even holidays. 

They could have sommeliers to help you choose something that pairs with half pepperoni / half Hawaiian.

Maybe, just maybe we should take a page from an earlier day when the sound of hooves and clinking of bottles signaled the early morning arrival of the milk man bringing fresh dairy products.
And if you are not an early riser, just leave a sign in the window.
Weed Today Please.

Nippy Holidays Greeting Card by Octor_Arts
Browse other Happy Cards

Public Relations

Them: What are you doing?

Me: Writing a blog post.

Them: Oh, you have a blog.

Me: Yes.

Them: Is it something I’d like?

Me: It’s mostly complete nonsense.

Them: Can I read the post you're writing now?

Me: No.

Me: It’s incomplete nonsense.

Them: What is the address of your blog?

Me: I don’t know.

Me: It’s a bookmark on my browser.

Them: Do you have a business card?

Me: No.

Them: Goodbye.

Me: Bye.

Note to self: Sign up for Public Relations and Marketing courses at the local college. Or online maybe.

 

Money is no object ... in my pockets t shirt by damccaskill
View Merchbooth T-Shirts online at zazzle

A Brush with Fortune

While it is hard to track Allen’s travels, or indeed get a straight answer about anything from him, he ended up hiding seeking higher education at an American university.

While there, he spoke to someone about an Internet program that allowed people to stalk each other.

The idea, he was told, was that a person could put up a picture of them self and write about their feelings or any little thing that came to mind. 

You could tell people about your lunch and through the magic of something called GPS pinpoint exactly where you had it. Allen thought someone should tell the military about that GPS thing.

He also thought, “This is just like having a book with your face on it in a library that anyone could read”.

Allen was no longer a fan of libraries and the last time he was booked and had his picture taken he ended up with 30 days community service.

Reflecting on how his friends business acquaintances would react to having their images, location and rap sheet resume available to anyone with a computer, Allen decided not to offer to invest in the project.
Instead he offered this advice to the young student, “People will start putting pictures of their cats on there. Maybe even video someday. You don’t want to be any part of that”.

    

Convergence Shirt by damccaskill
Make a unique custom t-shirt no minimum at zazzle.com

Coloring Books or Colouring Books

Allen discovers the Internet. Well, he discovered that there is an Internet and realized the incredible potential for making money. And for humanitarian stuff too.

He is a little fuzzy on the year but a home computer at the time cost about $2,000. Not the low cost re- entry to the business world he was looking for and unfortunately the citizens of the port city his freighter docked at had the unfriendly habit of locking their doors. “Where is the trust?” he asked the fellow seated at the bar next to him. 

Fortunately the fellow was conversant with literature and pointed Allen in the direction of the public library saying, “Them buggers got computers”.

Apparently libraries are closed at night (and they also lock their doors), so Allen returned bright and early at 11 a.m.

The encounter with the librarian started off well as she welcomed Allen and showed him to a computer instructing him to double-click on the dial-up icon and to type his search into the Netscape search box.
Had he but known the binging and bonging of the dial-up connection was a harbinger of his future in the Indian Subcontinent.

He thought it best to catch up on what people were selling on the Internet and had no trouble finding ads online. In fact he said to himself “This is worse than commercials on TV”.

Armed with this new information and the knowledge that the pub opened in one hour, Allen started to think “What can I resell that people really want and will pay too much for”?

Spurred on by opening time Allen was feeling stressed.

Fate intervenes

Not being used to mouse-ing and clicking, he accidently opened a link to an article on Carl Jung’s  thoughts on adults coloring, or colouring since he was in Brittan, as a de-stressing therapy.
Allen thought Carl was probably a pretty smart guy as he had once ducked into a lecture on Jung and reason suggested that you only get lectured about if you are really smart. Or really bad.

Allen had an epiphany. He thought that creative people like himself don’t like to be constrained (or stressed) by someone else’s design, also people like himself have a lot of trouble staying within the lines.

He would offer, for the quite reasonable price of $29.95, a book of blank paper and a #2 pencil (Sharpener sold separately. Just pay separate shipping and handling). He would point out that this combination could be used in at least two different ways.

1: Draw the design that YOU WANT and then fill in the spaces with crayons or colored pencils or pastels (sold separately)
or
2: Colour the shapes you want and then outline them in pencil giving the impression that you can stay within the lines.

Fate has a field day

In spite of the stress of knowing the pub was minutes from opening, Allen had the idea that he should offer pre-printed images to be colored by those without the imagination to come up with their own designs thus adding to the breadth of his offerings. 

Remembering his motto “Maybe a little marketresearch isn’t such a bad idea” 

Allen hopped back on Netscape and typed in a search for “Adult stuff” and within seconds found himself being frogmarched by the now not so friendly librarian out the door.

Allen was OK with this as the pub was calling.

Fate laughs again

It being early days of the Internet, people were, wisely, not used to handing over their credit card information on line and as Allen moved around so often he routinely missed orders that came through the post. 

He would have to await the mobile payment revolution. 

Allen had two final comments on this venture.
“Coloring books are stressful” and “Being ahead of the curve sucks”.

Tree of light stamp by shiomi
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Allen 2.0 Too

Continued from Allen 2.0

When we last left our intrepid entrepreneur he had arrived in India from Nepal by way of China.

The Big City

Because he had no idea what the sign at the city limits said (ed. No Solicitors) he was not sure which city he was in but there were thousands and thousands of people and few snakes.

It didn’t take many sales calls for Allen to realize that while India did indeed have electricity and curry and Pepto Bismol, it didn’t have a lot of phone lines.

This was a setback for the sales of home facsimile machines.

Time and Technology marches on

Allen had seen a cell phone before his sojourn in the Himalayas, but as they were expensive and heavy enough to defend yourself against grizzly bear attack, he never thought they’d catch on.

Everyone had one

At least everyone in this city and certainly everyone in this bar.

They were all technology mad. 

They would discard their old cellphone for the latest model, or that was what he would tell the IPS (Indian Police Service) officer when questioned about his recent acquisition.

Exploring the device he found you could talk, text or txt, play pointless games and it seemed to have that damned Internet on it.

He also found that online payments had caught on big time. Specifically, mobile payments.

This development called for extensive research and an hour later Allen knew he was on to something big.

It seemed that many companies in India were considering a move away from the current mix of desktop online and mobile payments to mobile payments only.

Possibly a brilliant move

No longer do you have to stand in line for the cashier, to make an impulse purchase, you can be mediating an international dispute, going to couples therapy or contemplating in the throne room.

If you have a free thumb, you can purchase the object of your heart’s desire. O.A.C.

Sure those who are used to desktops and even (shudder) catalogs where you get a decent picture and legible text might be reticent, and so what if the largest group with the most disposable income (or at least savings) with potentially fading sight…

Allen had read enough. He would target service the mobile market.

He reasoned that younger people did not have the experience of their elders.

The lack of a product was not the problem. 

The problem was how to get the product in front of the largest number of marks customers at the cheapest cost.

This was also the question on the minds of a group that Fate was toying with.

The start-up woman’s clothing designers became convinced that Allen’s entrepreneurial prowess and Mobile Application Development skills could translate their Plus size clothing line to a plus size bank balance.

Later they were to agree that they should not hold their board meetings in a bar. At least not one that was home to Allen.

Not one to say no to an opportunity, or temptation for that matter, Allen had one job in front of him; Find out what Mobile Application Development was.
That and how to make a compelling presentation. Compelling enough to get a cheque.

They agreed to reconvene in the same location during a popular local time. Happy hour.

He then applied himself to understanding Mobile Application Development, or MAD for short, and 30 minutes later he was talking a local artist into drawing his ideas out on Bristol board for future consideration in his newly formed company.

Presentation day dawned and quite a bit later than dawn, the designers, Allen and his artist were situated around the boardroom table. The waitress took their orders and commerce was commenced.

With the artist holding up the presentation and Allen pointing out the main selling points with an umbrella from one of the drinks, things were going well until one of the up-starts from the start-up asked why he was not using PowerPoint.

Viewing questions as an opportunity, he took the opportunity to excuse himself and get another round. On the tab.

After several rounds of negotiations, Allen felt more sure of a sale ‘tho less sure of his ability to read the room, and he decided to offer the ladies some sage business advice.

He suggested that the group abandon their hopes for a mobile application in favour of a website aimed at desktop users ‘cause “Those little mobiles can’t accommodate your product even in landscape mode”.

From there, talks headed south and so did Allen, leaving the group with the bar tab and the artist.

Watch for further adventures of our budding billionaire as records are released.

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